que pasa

When I wrote the previous piece “When you just don’t wanna hear” I actually wasn’t writing about myself.  But it’s funny how life throws you curve balls, ain’t it?  I’m in the dumps now. 

It is hard to explain what is going on, but it’s concerning work.  I’ve usually picked myself up but this time I’m really hurting.  I can’t seem to get back up again.  I’m in a bad place.  It doesn't matter whose fault it is (and i'm definitely part of the problem), doesn't matter who started it, doesn't matter what it's about.

Previously when similar events like this occur, I’ve always leaned towards the “hang-in-there-tough-it-out” side.  But now I’m on the tipping edge.  I wanna pack up and go home.  But if I go home now, I would not have achieved the objective of coming over in the first place.  Then 2.5 years of my life, and the sacrifices that were made during that time, would have been for naught?  Then what would I have been working for?  And if I leave now, wouldn’t I be an irresponsible person for starting something and not finishing it?

I know, I’ve learnt so much in during this time, so it’s not a meaningless 2.5 years.  But that’s not a tangible achievement.  Anybody who really wanted to could go out there and live for a couple of years.  They would be bound to learn lotsa stuff too.

I can’t continue this post anymore.  God I feel like crap.