Thursday, August 21, 2008
The mood for piano playing
Today the younger son of my host family really struggled to practice his piano. He clearly didn't want to and his mom had to practically threaten him (but I knew with no intention to execute) in order to get him to sit down. And even when he did, boy was it painful to observe and hear.
The little boy reminded me of myself – how torturous I felt when I had to practice. I hated piano when I was learning it and finally I had a fight with my mom in 5th grade about it and insisted that I want to quit. The truth was that I thought the pieces were difficult and uninteresting. There was no enjoyment in playing which led to the vicious cycle of not wanting to practice and the pieces sounding very unspectacular.
Today, the piano still sits in our house. It is only used when guests who know how to play come by – which is a rare occasion. My mom would then say to me, if only you had continued your piano lessons, you might be playing like that now. I would reply with a “Yeah maybe” but I know in my heart that I would never play like that. (I blogged about this previously two years ago I think) My mom gave me the opportunity that she didn't have, I had the ability to play, but I didn't have the interest or the talent for it.
But these few days I've been sitting at the piano trying to work out some hymns. I'm in the mood where I just feel like playing and I know enough to play for myself. This feeling is familiar, and lasts for a few days. I pick songs whose tune I already know - that helps me figure out the notes and rhythm better. But I know this feeling will pass in a while. In fact, I think I can see the end already.
The mood for piano playing comes and goes.
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I CAN be an okay kid
Lately I've been doing some strange things. I did the dishes at 845am this morning. I played the piano (albeit rather choppily) yesterday. I've been cutting fruits for my friends' kids. I've been making a pot of coffee every other morning. I do laundry and hang the clothes out and bring them in when they are dry. Went with my friend to buy vegetables. That is not my normal behavior at home with my parents, not even when I live alone. I think my mom would be pleased if she found out.
It's almost as if all the ideal behavioral traits that my mom has been trying to cultivate in me when I was a kid surface themselves when it's apparent to me that this place definitely could use the extra hands, legs, eyes and so on. Right now, I'm staying at my friends' place in Beijing – they have 2 boys. My friend (the mom) has her hands full with her younger son and she's been very tired lately. She has part time help but the help only comes in the morning for half a day, every other day. So this hidden part in me has actually spoken out and expressed its willingness to help wherever possible.
I have also started to manifest the eldest child traits, which is even stranger because I'm the youngest child in my family. (But then again, maybe that's just a function of age.) I'm glad though that they boys like me enough to listen to me when I have to ask them to do things. I "watch" them when the parents are not in the immediate vicinity, not because they need babysitting but just in case. I make sure the younger boy eats his food when the mom need to do other stuff. I think the younger boy knows that he can't fool me because I know all the tricks in his book – I was a terrible kid, lol. I can read some music so I know when he's not playing the piano right. (Incidentally he's at Grade 3 in piano now, which is where I stopped, so I can kinda play his music pieces.)
I guess what I'm trying to do is to fill in the gaps and not be so much of a burden to my friends who have so kindly let me stay at their home and be part of their family for this time. I guess it also has something to do with me feeling like I am representing my family when I stay with my friends (who also know my mom) and I want them to know that my parents did bring me up alright.
But the best part is knowing that I can step up to the plate and help out in tangible ways in the house when required to. I don't think my folks will ever see this side of me because when I'm at home, I seriously cannot find this part in me that would to lift a finger - I don't know why. I'm a much better help in other people's homes or even my friends' place than in my own. It's like an ability that I can only summon when the need is strong enough, sigh.
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Thursday, July 03, 2008
Crushing of the crush
I just want to say that I've finally gotten over this crush I've been having for like the past 5 months or so. For those of you in the know, it was pretty bad at first. It took me a ridiculous amount of time to realize that nothing was going to happen and that it was definitely one-sided. But then that's the way crushes are, right?
As crazy an experience having a crush is, it's also very fun. Makes for great distraction and discussion. Some people go to the extent of "stalking" their Facebook, MySpace, Friendster pages and so on, but I've yet to go that far, whew. I always tell myself that one day, I will tell the crush-ee that I had a crush on him but I never get around to doing it. I may have thick skin, but I'm not gutsy enough.
Anyway, if you're wondering how this crush came to an end, common sense finally set in and I just got bored of wishing and dreaming about him. Here's the kicker though, I have another crush! Ok, well, I don't really have a new crush; I have a new friend who looks pretty decent and seems like an interesting person.
Actually, I just wanted to be able to say, "I crushed a crush with a crush!"
(Forget the English lessons that tell you never to repeat the same word in the same sentence; I think it sounds great, lol)
Ah yes, the things that amuse me. And yes, it's nice to know my hormones are still raging. :p
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Friday, June 20, 2008
Changes
This month has been and continues to be a difficult month. Many questions and issues raised, major changes being decided on and implemented.
There is no easy solution, I hope we find a way out or reprieve soon.
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I love Mamee
I grew up loving this ready-to-eat noodle snack and I still do. I'd really appreciate it if you could bring some or send me some in a care package.
I bought this pack of 10 and finished it in 2.5 days.
Yes, I have to be so extremist.
I AM A MAMEE MONSTER, HEAR ME ROAR! AAAAARRRRRRR!!!!
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
"The Dating Lost"
The other day, I got a random call from a dating service. She said she was from The Dating World and had gotten my contact from somebody and wanted to know if I was single. That totally caught me by surprise actually but I couldn't hear the rest of what she said (I was in a noisy place) so I asked them to call back later.
You know, when I say call back later, I mean like half an hour or so. But she didn't. But too late, my curiosity was peaked and I wanted to know who they were. So when I got to the computer, I started googling The Dating World but couldn't find any company by that name. At the same time I started googling "speed dating Singapore" too.
The background of this is that for the past 6 months, I have been telling some people that I want to go for some speed dating event. I just want to experience what it's like and see whether I "make the cut", heh. I wanted to go with a guy friend so that I would have a "safe harbor" in case things were really screwy, or a girl friend so that we could compare notes after that. We’ve yet to start and I gradually forgot about it.
But recently after I saw an NCIS episode that had attending a speed dating event as part of its investigations, my interest was renewed again. So no, it's not that I've reached a point where I feel I need to put myself out there. I just think this is one of those things you have to try once in your life, just for the heck of it.
Anyway, the dating service called again a week later. "The Dating Lost" I heard. What a name, I thought. Apparently one of my friends was a member and had referred them to me. They wouldn't disclose who the referrer was though. I did comment though, "Wow, I must seem so sad for him/her to think I need help…" The girl quickly set up an appointment for me in June.
But I came back earlier than expected because of the earthquake. And since I was going to be in the area this week, I decided to change my appointment to the same day. When I arrived, I filled out this questionnaire profiling myself and also some general characteristics of my ideal partner. My consultant was a very pleasant girl and we had a chat about various things, essentially trying to get me to fill out the details of what I looked for in a guy. She also tried to get me to talk about turn-offs, to which I replied, "Short stubby fingers." (I know, I know.)
But because I had circled "Looking to expand social circle" as opposed to "Looking for steady relationship" or "Looking to get married in 1 year", that didn't exactly qualify me for membership. The consultant explained to me the various packages (they apparently are very selective and only take certain types of people as clients) comprising 1-on-1 and/or group (8 or 24 people) events. I thought the packages were pricey, but perhaps it'd be considered affordable to someone that want to "outsource" their social/love life to somebody.
A local women's magazine rated this dating service pretty highly (4 out of 5) in terms of the service quality and guys met. So I suppose if you have the money, perhaps you’d like to try this service out. They're called "The Dating Loft" by the way. (Yeah, my hearing, it’s so bad…)
I'm not feeling pressure to get attached, but I just like doing these "profile" thingys because they kinda make you think a bit, know yourself a bit better. But if any of you find some speed dating event, let me know. I want to try!
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Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Peer pressure
Ok, ok, so I caved. My Ju-on mugshot was freaking too many people out (except for possibly Mrs Trees). I hope this one looks a little more pleasant.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
My Ju-on mugshot
Jukebox commented that I looked like I came from the movie-set of Ju-on in this picture. I think she's right! Lol.
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Thursday, March 20, 2008
Perspective: Honey, she’s just a friend
So I just read this article and I’m going to be pretty candid here because I’m that kind of "friend".
I have close guy friends. Some of them are married/attached. We realize it's a delicate situation because it's likely that their wives/girlfriends aren't going to understand why our close friendship should exist.
Am I attracted to these guys? I won't deny that I think some of them are be pretty great and that I have wished before that I knew them and had snagged them earlier. I mean that's the whole point of how you get to being good friends right? There must obviously be something in their character to keep the prolonged click. And being the person that I am, they clearly must look good enough for me to stand being in their presence for an extended period of time.
I will confess though that it takes control and a clear head to resist acting on any sudden impulses, tempting as they are. So why then would I choose to keep such relationships?
Friendships with these guys are different compared to close friendships with girls. These guys seldom need comforting, it's more of a hey-i-have-a-problem-do-you-have-any-ideas-or-what-do-you-think? And I enjoy that sort of conversation because it's nice sometimes to just put that emotional side away and just deal with the real problem, that's a good way of showing genuine concern too. Or it's really just a what's-going-on-and-hey-did-you-know thing. We just wanna have a good time and hang out.
But we never get too personal because I think we know that's the no-fly-zone. Don't go there because if you get to the next level, the lines get blurrer and blurrer. I respect these guys for that and I wish that their other halves would give them more credit.
But here's the thing right, what if it were me who was on the other side? I can see myself being jealous, insecure and all, although I REALLY REALLY hope I won't be. Then again, shouldn't I be cool with it because I've been on the other-other-side?
Or, maybe it's not the woman who has the issue. Maybe it's the guy. Maybe he doesn't think his woman confident enough to let him have his female friends. After all, doesn't having friends of the opposite gender make you more aware of how they think and therefore help you relate better to your partner?
Anyways, I feel privileged to have close friends among guys and girls. And if you knew me, you'd know that I'd never cross the line.
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Monday, March 10, 2008
Flashback
Two days ago I went through my friend’s entire blog because it’s the first time I’m reading it. She’s been blogging for slightly over a year now, but her blog is really different from mine. Reading her blog end-to-end made me decide to re-read mine, and I’d been thinking about doing a backup of my blog anyway.
So I cut and pasted all my posts into word documents and in the process took a quick glimpse of everything I’ve typed in the past 3 years or so.
I’ve changed and yet I’ve not changed, haven’t I?
Anyway, if you blog/journal, you should do this once in a while, because your blog/journal serves as your official record of your life (or at least what matters in your life) and then you can see what about you has changed or what has stayed constant.
Helps you see yourself a little clearer.
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Thursday, March 06, 2008
In my wildest dreams
Woke up this morning around 6am to get a drink. Checked my phone messages and saw this, “Yeah right. In my wildest dreams.” Went back to bed but 45 mins later I found myself awake because I had been thinking about that message.
I dozed in and out of sleep a couple of times but then I finally woke up after I dreamt of myself running in a field of black and white butterflies, tons of dragonflies and 2 camels. Yeah I know, weird.
There main reason why I was thinking about that message was that I was wondering about what my wildest dream was. And then I realized that I don’t really have a dream. I mean, I have mid-term goals, but not dream-dreams. And that if I had anything close to being a dream, it wasn’t very wild either.
Never really had big dreams as a kid either. It could be my upbringing I suppose. That things only happen if you put in effort to achieve them. It could also be reinforced by entering my first job which was very goal oriented. And then this whole being in China thing has just made me a skeptic, maybe even a cynic, and I’ve stopped dreaming altogether because I haven’t found anything to inspire dreams.
Do you have dreams? Good for you.
Do you have wild dreams? Even better.
Go get them.
07:37 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
Friday, February 08, 2008
Hey there
Sorry, haven't had much to blog about despite the fact that it's Chinese New Year. So here are some little bits to keep you occupied for 1 minute.
The familiar and comforting sights and sounds of home.
I was walking around my neighborhood the other evening and I realized that I live in a pretty nice area. I saw 1 of those 2 monkey boys (because they used to hang from tree branches right round the corner just for fun) from number 4… he's grown up now and doesn't recognize me. But I recognize him because I saw him hanging off the neighbor's gate…
Then there were the dog walkers along the linear park. And the cute little kids who get taken on walks with their moms, maids or grandmothers. There was this particularly adorable sight of a small cute girl who was with her mom, their big dog, and her little toy rabbit. Aww...
And as much as I don't like the persistent yapping of dogs, it has become a rather reassuring sound that at least someone/something/somebody is around keeping an eye on strangers for us.
Blonde moment
My bro and I were at the airport yesterday and I commented that the airport would shut down on Malay and Indian public holidays. This was in response to the fact that all the staff manning the check-in counters were Malays and Indians.
Came the reply, "Don’t be silly. It's Chinese New Year, of course all the Chinese staff are on leave and the Malays and Indians have to be on duty!"
I think my bro probably rolled his eyes but I couldn't tell. I swear, this doesn’t happen often… I'm normally smarter than this.
Happy holidays
So some of you know we are going on a family vacation. You guys would also know the Europe holiday fiasco which ended up in the holiday not happening. So you can imagine how I feel going into this one. I hear New Zealand is beautiful and I'll really enjoy it, so I'm hoping that’s exactly how it'll be.
Anyway, for those of you who celebrated Chinese New Year, I hope you had a good time, if not at least a nice break from work...
Over and out for now.
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Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Mulling
I’ve been mulling on a few things for a long time now. By “a long time”, I mean as long as a few years. I still have no answers but I felt like blogging about two of them because they’ve been on my mind more recently. Probably something to do with being a little more pensive being the end of year/beginning of a new year period.
First up, settling down. With the recent family building activity going on in my cousins’ lives the past few years (i.e. getting married and reproducing like rabbits) I can sense that my mom is wondering when her rabbits (i.e. my bro and me) will do likewise. I can’t speak for my bro but I think that we both aren’t in a particular rush to get hitched, not yet. Personally, I’m pretty proud of his status as a pretty darn eligible bachelor.
As for me, well, I just haven’t been in the right place at the right time meeting the right people. A friend asked recently what was the right guy like and I have yet to reply. I typically roll “Tall, dark and handsome” of my tongue immediately in response to questions like these but I didn’t think he’d appreciate just that. Not that it’s not true (and you’ll be surprised how many people I’ve met that don’t meet that criteria by my standards at least), but I also felt that I’ve got to be looking for something more than just those 3 things.
The funny thing is, when I try to quieten down and think about what I’m looking for in a guy, I realize that I only have a fuzzy picture in my mind. I have some idea of what I’m looking for but I struggle to define it. Then it makes me think that perhaps because I don’t really know what I’m looking for, that’s why I haven’t found what I’m looking for. Not that I’ve been actively “looking” either. So I’m still at an impasse there.
Another thing that’s on my mind lately, is about my relationship with Papa. I think for any relationship to really work, you have to trust that the other party wants the best for you, that they would never hurt you. I mean, why is your best friend is your best friend? It’s because he/she genuinely cares, wants you to be happy and wishes everything good for you. You seek his/her opinion on your important decisions because you think that they’d help you properly evaluate the situation, or at least think in your interest, to say the least.
I have concluded with sadness that Papa is not my best friend, even though technically he fulfils all the necessary requirements of being there whenever and always caring for me. I have not always consulted him on key decisions; I have always kinda made up my mind and gone with it, only to run to him crying when things suck. That’s not the way I want things ideally, but I fear that should I claim that I trust that he wants the best for me, then I would really have act like I believe it. I mean, I know he loves me and wants good stuff for me, but I’m not convinced that he wants the BEST.
That is the underlying fault in my relationship with Papa and me. I can’t trust him with all my heart because I still think I know better. I could easily brush this off and say that I have an issue with trusting people (which is also true) but I think it goes deeper than that. If Papa is as big as he is supposed to be, he’s the guy in whose gang you should be in and just hang around with. You should not even bother stepping out of the ‘hood, it’d be a total waste of time and energy.
So it comes down to whether I believe Papa is as big and good as he says he is. And this is one of those things where I feel that nobody can convince me unless I reach the conclusion myself. This is not a crisis of faith though, this is more of getting to the next level, like a quantum leap for me. I’m like this electron hanging out at this energy level and can’t move on and up unless I get a boost.
I have this nagging feeling that these two matters are somehow related. But anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about.
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Monday, December 10, 2007
Weeklong burn
Last week was spent pretty much just working on this investor proposal for one of our projects. Generating slides is exhausting, especially when you have to prepare something from nothing and make sure your message comes across the way you mean. I went through 9 versions.
And that was excluding the financials. Oh boy, that’s another headache. We’re at the rapid growth stage now which also means corresponding expenses. The thing with doing projections is that as an investor, you always question whether the figures are realistic and logical. There’s a lot of tweaking and changes, and it’s not something that comes together in one sitting.
Worked through Saturday and Sunday too. No rest. No recreation. Total brain burn. But by last night (Sunday), we were pretty much done. More fine-tunings this morning. And it’s done.
Looking ahead, I can’t help but think that we’ve only done the easiest part. The next step is to look for investors and pitch to them. And even to do that, I need to plan before doing anything. Oh boy.
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Monday, December 03, 2007
Changing tastes
It’s funny how things work out.
I bought this faded khaki green bomber-like jacket last year on a whim and regretted it soon after. This winter, I love it – it’s the most often worn jacket when I go out. I wear it with practically everything so long as the weather permits. Like even with my over-sized grey flannel shirt tails sticking out front and back. I think I must look like weird but I do enjoy my jacket a lot right now.
Now I just have to get myself to like that fur (hopefully fake) attachable collar thingy, put it on and walk around with it. Then I can say I really love my jacket.
Things are always changing. Welcome to my world, lol.
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Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bus-butt
Took a 5 hour ride on a bus from a potential project site back to town the day before. My butt and lower back started to ache 2 hours away from our destination.
Being the type of luck that I had to have, I got the seat beside the toilet so that sucked. (Ugh, the words “toilet” and “sucked” should not be used in the same sentence. Creates bad images in the head. GROSS.) My only consolation was that not that many people went.
Anyway, as I was reflecting on my uncomfortable situation, I was telling myself how I did not sign up for this. To be stuck in a bus in 1 seat for 5 freaking hours. To be next to the john.
But then I thought about how if I had gone with my boss to his next destination, and how there’d only be small talk and entertainment stuff of which I hate, it was good that I was heading back to my apartment.
I reached home around 930pm. Put on my Gilmore Girls DVD, which I’ve been watching in my every free moment, the recluse that I have become. As the characters like to say, “I live vicariously through you,” so do I, through them.
As such, there isn’t much to report except that now I don’t like the Dean character on Gilmore Girls anymore. But I’m pleased to report that Lorelai and Rory still look great and are as funny as ever and I am looking forward to my next episode.
Yes I know. From one addiction to another. Like I always tell ya, this is me.
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Thursday, November 22, 2007
Electric toothbrushes
At my last visit to the dentist, he recommended that I get an electric toothbrush because it gets plaque off my teeth better than ordinary toothbrushes. Something about the smaller head (easier to reach the back of the mouth) and the rotational movement of the brush (better than my manual technique). That was in October.
I’ve been thinking about what he said and have kinda decided that I shall get one. I have discovered that the only rechargeable toothbrush I can find here is the Watson’s one, but Watson’s is like a personal care store retailer, not a specialist in toothbrushes. For brands like Oral B, they only have the battery powered ones and I don’t want to keep buying batteries or buy rechargeable batteries.
What do you know about electric toothbrushes? Any advice or recommendations?
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Friday, November 09, 2007
Facebookaholic no more
I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick of facebook. I’m loosing interest in woogabooga, not really enjoying my mafia games no more. Even the Don of my Mafia family is taking a break. I suppose every fad passes.
I still log on to facebook often, but I don’t spend hours on it anymore. Just to see what’s up and what’s new. I’ve installed a few new apps, but those aren’t sticky enough to make me sit there all day.
Know why? It’s ‘cause I found something better. Lotsa lotsa dvds of stuff I want to watch. Like all 9 seasons of Seinfeld. Like all 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls. Like tons of movies.
Between Flo and I, we now own massive collection of pirated entertainment to while away our nights when we don’t feel like going out. I know, we sound like spinsters, lol. But I think that’s better than being on facebook. At least you can watch a movie with somebody. You can’t “facebook with” somebody.
I know, I caved. But believe me, if you were here, you would too. My only justification is that I can’t get the original here at all – there is no market for original versions – no one can afford them. It costs less than 4 yuan (that’s about 50 cents U.S. and 80 cents SGD) to buy a pirated DVD. The original costs like I don’t know how much, I have never even seen it being sold in my 2 years here. A movie ticket costs 70 yuan (that’s about 10 USD and 14 SGD) which is ridiculously expensive.
When you walk into a shop selling pirated DVDs, it’s like walking into movie heaven. It’s like being on Singapore Airlines with your own console and way too many new movies to watch with too little flight time… times 10 times over. Really.
This is why Hollywood movie producers and distributors and actors etc. are never going to get their rightful royalties from China. The odds are stacked against them. Plus no one can afford an original here - that's just like unsold stock that you'll have to sell at a loss later - so no store bothers to carry them.
Anyway, I’m really glad that I’m not a facebookaholic any more. Time to load in the Seinfeld DVD. Excuse me.
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Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Version control
We use it normally when we’re talking about preparing documents from scratch to draft to final versions. But I’ve found that I use it even in my interactions with friends.
Most common examples will be like differences in versions you give to same questions asked by acquaintances and friends. It’s just like when people ask you what’s up, most aren’t actually expecting you to dish out the full blown version. I can’t remember where I heard this but apparently the right answer to “Hey what’s up?” and “How are you?” is the question itself. That is, you say “What’s up?” and “How are you?” back. No need to really address the question.
But that’s old news. When I talk about version control, it’s the versions of explaining the same thing to different groups of people, depending on their relationship to me, and how I feel that moment.
Like with my recent problem at work, I practiced version control especially if you spoke/emailed/messaged/MSNed me during the critical period i.e. Monday Oct 22 through Thursday 25 Oct. A few of you got the full story, and as a friend called it, the Airbus A380-luxurious version. That’s when I was really feeling the full blow and the thoughts and emotions were very raw. But even with those, I couldn’t write everything out.
Some got key points plus strong emo version (“emo” = “emotion”), and that’s when I was too tired to talk about it but I did want you to know what was going on so that you could be informed either directly or through a friend. Yet I knew you could work with this version and still understand how deeply I was affected.
Some got the basic idea version. I raise a few key points, add a few examples, mention some emo, make some small talk, but never go deep into the matter. I gave this version because our relationship just wasn’t deep enough for me count on you to really care.
Some just got this. That is, the blog version, and that’s usually just the raw emo – no examples, no details – because that’s my first method of communicating that there’s something wrong with me. It’s not that I don’t think you care, but to write the details causing the emo when I’m feeling so bad… I can’t do that. Typically if you already have sufficient understanding of who I am and what I do, then I think you’ll get enough of a picture. If not, it would be too hard to write everything I’ve gone through in the past 2.5 years out.
Anyway, I recently got the impression that somebody thought my problem quite rather like stuff that person had been through before. My initial reaction was upset because who was this person to claim to be have been through the same situation? Then I felt sad because I knew that I had not managed to communicate enough for proper understanding. Then I realized that this really wasn’t a big deal because I wasn’t expecting empathy from that quarter. However it made me realize how each version can be interpreted correctly or incorrectly depending on how well you know me.
I kinda want to say this is like in the Department of Defence where you picture of the situation depends on your level of clearance and therefore the version that gets released to you. But maybe the bottom of it all is that maybe I just keep it in too much and only really tell when I’m really upset. But perhaps even the telling doesn’t make me sound that upset, more like a spoilt child.
Anyway, to those of you who cared, I just want to thank you again. Because as I reflect on the versions that I gave out, and the details and explanations that you had, or rather lacked, I realize that you did, and do, really care about how I’m doing.
Muchos gracias.
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Thursday, October 25, 2007
Dealing with it
Hi, thank you for caring.
After being consoled and pep-talked by my parents, lotsa crying, 1 big mug of beer, emails/messages/comments by friends, I am dealing with what's bugging me and am feeling little better now.
I have decided to stay the course.
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Monday, October 22, 2007
When you just don’t wanna hear
This is for the people I love who just don’t wanna. Because I’ve been there and I do go back there sometimes still.
---
“I’m so sick of tired of this. Enough of this nonsense. It’s time to pack up and go home.”
“Don’t tell me it’ll be over soon. Of course I’ll get through this. All I have to do is wake up and breathe.”
“Don’t give me all this “what would Jesus do” crap or get holy on me now. You don’t know what I’m going through.”
There are times when I just don’t wanna hear whatever it is that people want to say. I am stuck in a mood of exasperation, frustration, pain, hurt, and self-pity. It’s not because I like being there, it’s because I have landed in this awful place and I just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Times like these I don’t want to hear the “good news”, receive any comforting or get any advice. I need to wallow in this place for a while before I'm ready to get out. I need to be with friends who will roll in the mud with me, speak out the pain inside me, work off the anger and frustration together. It doesn’t mean I disagree with the logic, sense or love that people are telling us about, I'm just not ready to move on yet.
Times like these just love me. Just hold me and indulge in my mood. If you pray, then pray for me. I’ll snap out of it, promise. But if I don’t get out of it after awhile, be a dear and shake the crap out of me. I'll really need it then. Then you can start speaking logic, encouragement, motivation and of the future.
But this is how I feel this moment. So just hold me, hug me and be with me in the now. I love you, thanks.
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
Hey hey
Things have gotten busy of late so the blog posts really haven’t been happening and even if they do they aren’t that exciting either. So here’s the 411 (actually I used to keep saying “here’s the 911” until somebody told me that was the number for the police - lol):
1. Brrrr. It’s getting cold now. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes (ala “Love is all around” by Wet Wet Wet – do you remember the band and the song?) Not winter yet but we’re getting there.
2. Beijing.
I was in Beijing with my mom last weekend, she was there with the Singapore Chinese Orchestra because this is their tour season. (No, my mom does not play any Chinese musical instrument, she was just there to support the Beijing concert) Anyway, I thought the first half of the concert was rather hard to sit through. I’d describe the music played as “dischordant” but the audience gave a standing ovation at the end. So either the second half really made up for the first half or I'm just plain clueless as to what’s considered good in Chinese orchestral music.
I also got to see the much publicized Bird’s Nest stadium that China is building for the Olympics. I’m sorry, I still think it’s ugly and an inefficient use of resources. I know I know, there’s a story behind it all but I still think the Chinese got conned by the architect who is probably laughing all the way to the bank. In the meantime, the prices of construction resources goes up internationally because of China is sucking in materials like the Black Hole.
I went to the Forbidden City for real. I went there two years ago actually, but I only loitered around the peripheral grounds, I didn’t actually have to pay to see anything. So this time I made sure I visited the grounds that required entrance fees. I was not impressed by what I saw probably because a significant part of the exterior of the buildings were under renovation/upgrading, and the display items were not fascinating. Also, it was a rather unpleasant experience with all the pushing and shoving AND SOMEBODY FARTED IN MY FACE... TWICE. Well ok, not in my face but the source of the fart was really close to me and we were packed like sardines in a can. GROSS. My suggestion if you are going to visit, bring a can of fart spray – I think you can get them at trick shops. Farts clear the way so that you can walk and see things. Power to the farts, or should I say farters, seriously. lol.
3. Work
I don’t like talking about work on my blog but since things are so busy I feel like I should at least say something about it. The future is looking a little more rosy now. All the usual hiccups and red tape are occurring which frustrates me but there’s nothing I can do about it. There is much work to be done still and we have to press on.
4. Facebook
I think I’m doing pretty well with regards to my facebookaholism. I managed to spend only 3 hours on facebook playing Mafia yesterday. Lol. Azzamac has apparently given up his facebooking for rather valid reasons. I have to say, I am also getting a tad bored of it and might have dropped it altogether if not for the fact that I have some good friends on it and still enjoy playing Mafia.
Woogabooga (my pet) has broken the 100fph barrier. He hates practically everything that’s on the menu. What a waste of my munny that I have to work so hard to win on bets. He talks great but I just wish he would run faster. I have put him on strict diet of bamboo only. I can’t believe I’m doing this. lol.
Okay, so that’s about it from here. Catch you later.
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Thursday, October 11, 2007
Confessions of a Facebookaholic
Hi, I’m a Facebookaholic. I have to spend at least 5 hours a day on it its absolutely ridiculous. When I was on break, I was spending like 8 hours on it even. Madness.
I have a fluff pet named woogabooga – he such a picky eater, expensive taste too. I bought him a stinking habitat at the beginning so I have no munny to buy him all the expensive food he likes. I finally was awarded a mojito when woogabooga won 10 races, but he absolutely hates it. What a waste. I should have given it to my friends instead. Don’t ask why he’s called woogabooga. He’s probably getting back at me for naming him that…
I also play way too much mafia. I am proud to be a member of The True Mafia Family. I have unofficially named myself as The Rotten Tomato and Egg Hurler because I am too ridiculous to have any official title and it sounds funny. I have my mafia family – my Maf God PoPo, my Maf Big Sis, and my Maf Sistas and my Maf Bro.
I love SuperPoke because it is so easy to irritate people with it. And I also like to randomly superpoke 10 people quite a few times so that I can get new actions. What can I say, that’s my idea of fun and keeping in touch. Lol.
I know I am seriously addicted to facebook because I was at dinner with my family recently and all I could talk about was facebook this, facebook that. To be fair though, I have learnt more about my friends through facebook so it's been good to me too. But I will learn to control my facebooking because too much is really baaaaaaad.
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Click and connect
You know, you’d think that with my recent post on why I’m avoiding social networking sites, people would be quite supportive of my recent decision to get into facebook.
Alas, I’ve been getting flak like “cop out” and “sell out”… I was describing my reservations then (and still have), but I didn’t say I wouldn’t change my mind.
You guys make me want to leave facebook already… sigh.
Anyway, I’ll share why I made an about turn. Two reasons, first I’m following a dream. Second, I’m trying to see if I can get a friendship back.
First, the dream. I dreamt that this guy I thought cute (back in my school days) called me the other day out of nowhere. I thought it was mighty strange for him to look for me for the advice he wanted, but I gave my two cents anyway. While we were talking it suddenly happened… we connected, we were finally friends. Friends that might become something more.
Aha, yes, such is the stuff silly girls’ dreams are made of. And maybe it’s because of Sumiko’s article I put up 3 blog posts ago. Anyway, he’s on facebook, so why not? Long way more to the connect though.
Second, the friendship. There’s a certain type of personality I always click with. In middle school and high school I'd always have such a friend. These would be the people I hang and joke around the most with, people I would call my posse. Strange how I let these go though.
Anyway, one such friend found me on facebook. I don’t know if I’ve changed too much to get the “click” back but I thought I’d give it a shot.
So what happens if things don’t work out? What if the things I don’t like about social networking sites come back to haunt me? Will I withdraw again? I don’t know. But while I’m on it, I figure there’s no harm creating a little disturbance in the force. Pillow fight, people!
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Thursday, September 06, 2007
Of world collisions and half-baked cakes
I’ve been avoiding MySpace, Facebook, Friendster, LinkedIn and all the other social networking sites for quite a while now.
I registered on Friendster soon after it came out, upon a friend’s invite, but after we were linked up, I realized I could “see” his friends, and he could “see” mine. I terminated my account immediately. I’ve not registered on another social networking site since.
First, I feel quite weird about my friends knowing who my other friends are. I’m not ashamed of my friends, not do I hate to be associated with this particular friend’s (or anybody else’s) friends. But it’s just that I’ve kept my life rather compartmentalized and it’s been good that way. I don’t ever want to have situations where I lump my friends together and it ends up being awkward because they can’t “cross over” into my other world. And then I have to be the bridge.
I’m not saying that my friends are socially awkward, but each category of friends is different. I don’t see why I should inflict this “extra effort to socialize and make small talk to try and fill the silence” on them just because I can’t be bothered to make time with each group. It’s for this reason (and the proven logistical nightmare) that I will try to have very few guests if I do get married.
Granted, social networking sites don’t force people to talk to each other just because they’re friends of the same person, but then there’s the matter of privacy. When I want to introduce you to a friend, I want to do it personally, not have you “find out”. I suppose you could say I’m a control freak in this regard. I don’t want my “worlds” to “collide” unless I make it so.
Another reason I’ve been avoiding these sites is because of how easy it is to be found. “Oh, you’re a friend of so-and-so too? Wow, what a small world!” Truth is, I feel like a half-baked cake. I’m not ready to go out there and face the world yet. I feel like I’m in the process of making something of myself, but I haven’t had anything to show for it yet.
And when lost contacts and acquaintances “find” me, they’ll ask questions like “What have you been up to?” which I find difficult to answer because they don’t really care. They just want to compare who is more successful. So I’d rather keep a low profile until I’m ready. I don’t think this counts as an inferiority complex though. It’s like everybody has their moment, and mine isn’t here yet.
Whereas if you have been following my blog, you are more than an acquaintance. If it’s because I told you about my blog, it’s because I trust you. But if you found me by accident and you keep coming back, that means you can relate to me, which makes you a friend. I think I’d rather know people through my blog than through networking mechanisms and events, but then that doesn’t make for many. But that’s ok, I can live with that.
My blog is one place where I don’t mind my worlds colliding because you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. You can be silent, and you are not obliged to speak. In fact, no one will know you’re here. Or you can leave a comment if you have a response and let others reply – but this concept revolves around a common topic, so it’s not a “collision”, it’s a meeting of minds.
Best of all, I can be the half-baked cake that I am, right here, in front of you. That beats everything.
21:30 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Update
As you know, there are lulls and peaks to every cycle, including blogging. My life hasn’t been particularly exciting lately, so this is more of an update of various things rather than on one topic per se.
Do I hate China more? Somebody actually asked me that recently, in response to my outburst not too long ago. The answer is no. Do I like China more? The answer is also no. I think the best way to describe how I feel is that I’m in a state of dynamic equilibrium with occasional swings in either direction.
What have I been up to? We have decided to go ahead with 2 projects. As with all early-stage investments, the risk of failure is high. And we’ve had our share of failures. But without taking the risk, we’ll never have the chance to see it succeed. I think, at the end of the day, it comes down to whether the key guy is any good or not. In the meantime, we try and give as much support to increase the probability of success.
What’s the weather like in Chengdu? It’s cooler these days. Fall has officially started. The humidity has also gone down, so that’s nice.
I also ate a cactus fruit recently. Don’t know if you know what I mean, but it’s this small green oval shaped fruit with translucent hair-like spikes on it. The pulp contains all these little hard seeds which you can swallow, and it isn’t too sweet. I think this is the stuff you would eat if you were stuck in a desert and needed water desperately. If you plant this in the ground, a cactus will actually start growing… I didn’t think this was how they reproduced. Anyway, I can still feel the spikes in my fingers even though I can’t get them out (because I can’t see them).
After all the news articles and my mom’s strong warnings about staying away from Chinese processed food, I had actually managed to stay away from canned and frozen food for at least a month. Till today. I finally gave in and bought 2 cans of my favorite MaLing luncheon meat (also known as spam in the States). I can’t help it, I love my spam!
Over and out from this part of China.
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Ahead of time
… for half a day or so.
I’d lost my new cell phone when I dropped it in the taxi. I didn’t take a receipt from the cab driver so there was no way of retrieving the phone. Calling it didn’t help because the phone by then had been turned off already. So it’s gone.
Now I’m back to my old heap that I inherited from my dad. It still works fine. Just that I’m back to setting the date from 2004. Sigh.
Anyway, yesterday evening, after a really long trip to get my replacement sim card, I put it in the old phone and powered it up. I set the date for 22 August 2007, and my reminder for my mom’s birthday came up. I got quite flustered because I should have remembered and sent her a birthday greeting in the morning.
So I quickly sent her one and asked her how was her birthday dinner, but she didn’t reply. Strange I thought.
She called me later in the night for our weekly chat, and then she said, “Girl, you’re one day early lah. My birthday it’s tomorrow.” Then I realized that I’d gotten my date wrong – yesterday was 21st august, not 22nd.
My mom said I was getting old.
Well, that may be true. But I take pride that at least I sent my birthday greeting earlier, rather than later.
Don't forget to wish your parents happy birthday when the time comes.
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Monday, August 13, 2007
Guilty of bigotry
I finally shouted it out loud, in the middle of the checkout line, surrounded by lots of locals.
“I hate China!”
That was Saturday morning just past.
What sparked my outburst? I was in a local supermarket (not Carrefour) surrounded by lots of inconsiderate locals who just left their carts lying around blocking the path, people who cut lines to have their veggies and fruits weighed and price-tagged, people who were talking way too loud. At the checkout line, this girl was fingering the bananas I had bought and asked me loudly how much they cost – I refused to answer. Then this shopper wanted to take my cart even though I needed it to cart my paid groceries out to the taxi stand. She took my cart anyway, pointing that I could take another cart parked against the wall after the checkout line. Then I just kinda shouted it to Jose who was waiting at the end of the line.
I don’t know how many people actually heard understood what I said, but I knew my sudden outburst got me a look from the girl who asked me about the bananas. Jose then advised that I shouldn’t say such things in public else I might get kicked out of the country altogether.
In hindsight, these things normally wouldn’t have gotten to me. I could have easily shown the banana girl the price tag and she would have known how much they cost. I could have released the shoppping cart and Jose and I would definitely have managed to carry all the groceries ourselves to the cab. But I just didn’t like the way they talked to me. You could say that my attitude to the locals that day was just BAD.
I think it’s just a lot of accumulated feelings about the people here in general. Last Friday, we had a bad meeting with our JV partner. He was behaving like a child, immature and irresponsible. Granted, he’s young (29 years old). But if you want to be a General Manager and run the show, then behave like one.
I hate the poor work ethic and attitude, the rudeness, loudness, poor hygiene standards, and inconsideration of the average Chengdu person. How everybody tries to make a quick buck. Poor service standards, lack of appreciation of quality.
I hate the screeching buses and scooters. The crazy driving and parking. The poorly maintained vehicles.
I hate the ridiculous internet restrictions. The complication and hassle of corporate procedures. The roundabout way of negotiations. The corruption.
I hate the lack of originality manifested in the fake brands, copied designs, ideas and concepts. How international big boys can’t seem to beat their local counterparts, even though the idea came from overseas. For example, in terms of Chinese market share, Baidu beat google, taobao beat eBay.
OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. Thank goodness.
But I’m just saying that this is what I experience and see in general. Most times I look at these circumstances as opportunities. But sometimes, I find them to be insufferable. Like today.
What makes me so mad with myself is that I thought I’d be more tolerant by now. But I’m not. And now that I’ve publicly declared my frustration in a Chinese supermart, I might as well say it here.
I AM A BIGOT.
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Thursday, July 19, 2007
More on evolution
Kaching emailed me the other day in response to my blog post on Evolution and Creation. I quote him, “…the question of evolution vs creation is really actually a question whether we do accept if there is something truly random.”
With regards to randomness, apart from not wanting to think that I descended from an ape, I also refuse to believe that I – that is, my existence - am an accident, as opposed to an intended one. I take too much pride in my life thus far to think that there is no purpose to my life. I have not achieved great things to justify the worthiness of my life per se, nor can I say I know the exact purpose of my life. But I have a good feeling that I mean something to some people and I have made a difference in their lives.
Perhaps some people who believe in evolution and randomness don’t want to accept the presence of a creator because it means that they are not in absolute control of their lives. Like, if life were fundamentally random, then we could try to influence certain events to swing things in our favor, and therefore it might be possible to ultimately determine our fate, or at least head it in the direction we want. But if we know that somebody else is holding the controls, then there’s absolutely no chance for us to even try and make things turn out the way they were not intended to. I think that might freak some people out.
Not that I'm living my life absolutely irresponsibly, but I’m glad I’m not the one at the wheel with regards to my life. If I truly were, I can’t help but imagine a couple of accidents, many detours, getting lost an insane number of times, and losing my sense of direction. It takes a lot of pressure off me, knowing that with all my faults and errors, somebody is going to make sure I turn out alright.
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The thing about moving
I hate moving, primarily because of the hassle of packing, and then having to transport things to the new destination. In some cases, I find that I don’t even unpack all my boxes. Because I realize that not all the stuff I bring with me are critical. So some boxes go un-unpacked forever.
This time round, I feel like I’ve been moving for the longest time. The principle was to move a little bit everyday. So since last last Saturday, I’ve been packing the night before and moving in the morning. I think tonight will be the last night, thank goodness. I’ve been working the various luggage pieces we have pretty hard and it’s time they take a rest. My blue LOJEL suitcase in particular is falling apart actually. Its front wheels are kinda broken, but the suitcase will still move when pulled. Really noisy though. The whole block knows my coming and going.
Many thanks to Auntie Yin, Fox (one of my staff) and Bazza (one of my few local friends) for muscle power and to Matt (a fellow foreigner) for the boxes.
So the thing about moving is that you see everything that you own in the place. As you pick up items, some of them trigger memories, tasks that you forgot to do, and things that need your attention. In a sense, you take stock of your life as you pack.
One item in particular drew my attention - my orange ultimate disc. It reminded me of the last guy I liked because he was the one who gave it to me so that I could throw some disc here. By embarking on my stint in China, I effectively backed out of the possibility of a serious relationship. Last I heard he is now quite blissfully attached. Might things have been different if I had stayed in Singapore? Possibly. But was I willing to give up the opportunity of going through what I have? No. I don’t regret my decision, and I’m glad that I can say that I don’t.
The disc also reminded me of the time when I was playing ultimate every week. A time when I was fit. A time when I was passionate about something. A time when I enjoyed running. I am now far from that level of fitness – that is something I have regretted losing. Lately I’ve been trying to make some time to run. It is far from being a habit, but at least I’m trying to exercise a bit.
I’m not at the end of this leg of my journey yet, but I’ve come quite a ways. John Cage said, in an episode of Ally McBeal, about looking back, “If you think back and replay your year and if it doesn’t bring you tears, either of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.” This resonates with me.
I’m glad to say, thus far, it’s been a heck of a ride - all of it - the good, the bad and the ugly.
Afternote: I went back to watch the episode to get the right quote by John Cage. I've put in the actual quote in the show.
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Friday, July 13, 2007
On the roof
I was on the roof of my office unit (which is the penthouse of our block) today. It’s actually part of my job. Why? Because when we bought the unit over, we found that roof was leaking. And we’ve had contractors come over to take a look at the problem, and I have no idea of what’s really going on up there to make sense of their solution.
So when on of the contractors we were considering came over today, I decided I should get up there and see for myself. Wow, I didn’t think I’d climb up the ladder with such confidence, and I admit that I was a little tense up there. But it was nice up there today, and somehow the sun had disappeared then. I was actually thinking that it might be nice to sit on the roof sometime.
Thing is, you have to go up a 4m ladder from the garden to get to the roof and I don’t particularly like climbing ladders – I always worry that they’re going to cave. But anyway, I thought it was cool to be on the roof – how many office people get to do that?
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Thursday, July 12, 2007
30 second commute
I used to live really close to my office… I usually had a 30 second commute, but it did get as close as a 2 second commute. Of course, at that point, we don’t call it “a commute” anymore, but what the heck.
As some of you know, my office has moved. I’ve been taking about 12-15 minute walks to and from the office, which has been nice. But we have decided to move our residence to be close to the office. 30 seconds close, again. Now, in light of the increasingly warm and humid weather, followed by winter, I think I’m ok with that. I’m also ok with the home cooked meals and the potential of taking naps.
Thing is, the office is also now expanding (well, my office is being turned into the marketing department) so it means that I’m being kicked out of my room to make space for him. I’m moving to my apartment to work… which brings me back to a 2 second commute again. My meetings will be at the office proper of course, but most of my work will be done my home office. Of course, now I’m a little upset at the fact that the boys from the office practically scraped the length of the edge of my table while carrying it downstairs.
So I’m starting to move my things over, little bit everyday. In a weeks time, I'll be back to the 2 second commute. You know, working from home is one of those things which I used to consider “work luxuries”. At my previous employer’s, my friends and I would wonder why our company didn’t have a work from home policy because it would be so much more convenient.
Now I’m like, working from home is really not a big deal. And in light of the heat, i think i'm glad to be moving closer to work.
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Friday, June 22, 2007
Failure notice
Have you ever gotten a message similar to this when your email bounces back?
Hi. This is the smtp delivery program.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
I wonder who decided to humanize the smtp delivery program. It used to be non-understandable tech-speak and now it sounds like somebody trying to ditch somebody.
“This is a permanent error” = “Irreconciliable differences”, or “It’s not you, it’s me”
“I’ve given up” = “There’s no hope for us”
“Sorry it didn’t work out” = some pathetic consolatory remark that doesn’t cut it
There was one time I even got a “I’ve given up forever.” “FOREVER”… how depressing is that?!?!?!?
Anyway, before you start thinking I’m crazy enough to read so much into a standard bounced email message, I want you to know I'm really not like that, not for more than 50% of the time anyway.
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Thursday, June 21, 2007
Dirty money
It’s not money you get for doing bad things. Nor is it like dirty laundry as in deep, dark family secrets. It’s just hygienically-challenged currency.
The paper currency here goes to as small a denomination as 10 cents, 20 cents, 50 cents – which is irritatingly small denominations to be having bills for by the way. Most commonly used and therefore dirtiest notes are the 1 yuan, 5 yuan and 10 yuan.
Flo and I hate dirty money. We’re always trying to get them off our hands. When we go out, we pour out all the small change (because we also don’t like coins of value less than 1 yuan) and fish out all the rotting bills (in all denominations) in hopes of using them up.
We love the clean fresh new notes so much that if I have to buy something and I only have a nice clean note, I will actually ask Flo if she has a rotten note she wants to get rid of so that she can keep this one. And vice versa.
I think it was two weeks ago when I got this whole stash of new 5 yuan notes in change. I was elated! So I was very proud to pay Flo with said new bills for the stuff she paid on my behalf, and we both agreed that we should hold on the new notes for ALAP i.e. as long as possible.
Which means keeping the notes until there is absolutely no other way to pay for things other than using the new ones.
I know I know, I'm weird. But if you've seen how crappy some of the notes can get, you'll be with me on this one.
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Sunday, May 20, 2007
Fighting boredom
I was so bored yesterday. The oppressive heat (which will get worse) effectively grounded me in the apartment. And there’s only so much internet you can surf.
I have concluded (quite unhappily) that there seems to be nothing much for me to do here. Local people spend a lot of time at teahouses drinking tea, playing cards and mahjong. But I have my nice tea at home, I don’t want to play cards or mahjong with the locals.
The bad thing about yesterday is that my usual friends were unavailable. Flo was out of town, Matt was quite happily engaged in his MMO-RPG game, and Jose was on the golf course. So I figure I must do one or some of the following things to make my weekends more enjoyable:
a. Leave town for the weekend and go visit friends who are in other cities. I don’t know why it takes so much inertia for me to get off my ass and on the plane. Maybe if I just took off for a weekend with a friend, that would be much easier.
b. Get addicted to some computer game that will take up all my free time. But then I’ve never been into computer games. So this one is out.
c. Really work on my golf so that I can go on the course and not embarrass myself too much. Golf takes up at least half a day, and then the remainder of the day will be spent in recovery.
d. Pick up another TV series to watch, or hope that the DVD shop has lots of new movies to watch. I got myself the whole Ally McBeal series, finally.
e. Acquire a new indoor hobby, like cross-stitching or calligraphy. I thought I saw a cross-stitch shop somewhere. Or maybe I can just buy some calligraphy pen set and start practicing. And apparently Auntie Yin’s husband is pretty good at Chinese calligraphy, maybe I can borrow some books for beginners and see whether it catches on.
f. Get really good English books to read. Maybe I should fly to HongKong for a day just to get books. Or since if I’m going to HK, maybe there’s a play or show to catch.
I hereby declare war on boredom.
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Sunday, May 13, 2007
My bangs and me
I’ve put up my latest photo so you get to see what I see everyday… my bangs. I'm really not good at taking pictures of myself using my phone camera. And yes, I give you permission to laugh.
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Six weird things about me
Hey Crispy Prawn, this one’s for you.
1. If I don’t like your face, I ignore you even if you’re right in front of me. If we’re acquaintances, I’ll talk to you, mostly small talk. If we’re friends, we’ll probably be laughing most of the time. If we’re good friends, I can be incredibly silly, superficial, mean or brutally honest (my true colors) in your presence and even to you. So you can suss out where we stand with this guideline.
2. I can’t walk properly in high heels for long. I’m always tripping over.
3. I hate flossing even though my dentist keeps reminding me to. To date, I haven’t even finished 1 pack of floss yet. In my latest and current desperate attempt to get into the habit, I have set a daily 10pm reminder on my handphone that says “Floss”.
4. I am really sensitive to my handphone. Apparently I slept through an earthquake but woke up to the beep-beep of an incoming SMS when I was sleeping.
5. I can watch movies I really like many many times. Like I saw The Incredibles 5 times in the year it came out. And I watch the same few movies almost everytime I’m back home. So if I recommend a movie to you when we’re picking a DVD to watch, go ahead and borrow it even though I’ve watched it because I enjoy seeing it again.
6. When watching movies, I cry at the drop of a hat, and my eyes weep like they’re Niagara Falls or something. If there’s a remote possibility that I might cry, I will. If it’s touching, my eyes will be swollen and sore when the movie is over.
So now that I’ve ‘fessed up, I get to tag 6 other people. I tag peterbur, yongfatt, matty, mug mug, sailorboy and feve.
RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
16:44 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (3) | Email this
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Other stuff I've been up to
Okay, I’m running out of exciting titles for blog updates.
Jukebox’s putty didn’t last long. It dissolved in the water. So she’s got to do the bathroom floor again. But I think now that she’s got some experience on her hands, and I think someone else is helping her, it should be a breeze.
Hung out with Deepy. We had originally planned to catch a movie, but with the poor titles showing, decided to give them a pass. Had a much nicer time hanging out over coffee. He had lots of stories to share.
Got myself a little more insurance coverage. I’ve come to the point where I think I might actually need hospitalization and medical bill reimbursement. Also got myself SOS International evacuation from anywhere in the Asia Pacific region. But this last perk is a tad too costly.
Visited my friend in prison. It was a televisit (like a video-cam conversation) with the parents. My friend goes into a room with video conferencing facilities and we go to a room in a separate place altogether and video-conference from there. My friend is doing well I think, or then again, maybe it was just a front so that the parents wouldn’t worry.
Helped my friends make their life-story video to be shown at their wedding. I had to wear a pinafore similar to my middle school uniform and my obsession with keeping my pleats neat and tidy came back to me like I was back in school again. And of course, with my straight bangs, I looked even more the part. I’d been trying to escape doing the video but then it ended up being pretty fun. Also got to see the shoot for other parts of the video. I hope my friends like the final product.
Now I’m back in Chengdu again. And it’s been busy since I landed. Getting warm too. The sexy Chengdu man is back on the streets. Hello Mr-roll-your-shirt-up-to-expose-your-tummy-because-you-think-it-keeps-you-cool!
22:05 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
What i've been up to
First three days when I came back to Singapore for my break was to help out in the wake and funeral arrangements for someone that I didn’t really know but seemed to have affected many people in the course of his life. Makes you wonder who will show up for your wake and what they will say of you.
Attended Jukebox’s mom’s commencement ceremony and I think she felt a real sense of achievement from putting two years of effort and dedication into her education. I like attending commencement ceremonies, there’s something very empowering about the speeches that make you (the graduate) feel like you can do anything.
Went to my hairdresser’s. Sometimes I think I trust him too much, like this time. He gave me bangs. Short-above-the-eyebrows bangs. Sometimes I think my bangs are great, sometimes I’m like, dang these bangs, girl. It’s certainly taking some getting used to.
Puttied some of the gaps between the tiles on Jukebox’s bathroom floor. Made me feel like a handyman, like I knew what I was doing. Of course, we won’t know how good my workmanship is, or if we were even doing the right thing, until the putty starts to fall apart. But it sure looked alright when I left the place.
More catching up to do with people over the next few days. The weather has been great since I’ve been back. I like this break. :)
20:28 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Evolution and creation
Feve's response to the news article about the Pope's opinion on evolution got me thinking of the conversation I had with my friend a while back on this topic. It wasn’t an argument, but a short exchange of opinions regarding the matter. I told him that faith aside, my ego refused to accept that my ancestor was a monkey/ape/whatever-the-right-name-is.
He said that it was possible that somewhere in the course of evolution, there could have been a few quantum leaps (i.e mutations) which resulted in the transformation from ape to human.
Then I said that evolution was essentially about small degrees of change over time. Mutation, however, was essentially about large and often random fundamental alterations. He then proposed that apart from accidents, mutation may come about out of necessity, which therefore supports the theory of evolution in a sense. (We moved on to another topic soon after that.)
What I forgot to add in my conversation with him was that if mutation was very well a part of evolution, then he would have to agree that the mutation(s) involved in the ape-to-human were rather remarkable. Which then makes one wonder if there might have been a greater intelligence or guiding hand involved. Which might therefore support the acceptance of the existence of God or a higher being.
If a person can accept the possible existence of a higher being, then it might be possible for him to also accept that humans (at least our fundamental structure and faculties) may have been created from scratch.
I have used if’s and maybe’s because this is a case presented to someone who doesn’t have the same core assumptions as me. If the other person doesn’t believe in God and I do, there is no way we can have a proper and civil conversation if we both stick to our guns. I can only suggest a way to lead from his position to mine and let him mull it over and he can do the same likewise. And who says one conversation is enough to reach a conclusion?
If I include my faith, then I choose to believe our core being was created. Over time, we acquired more skills and knowledge over time as a result of accidents, experiments and deliberation, and our appearance also changed. So evolution and science continue to play significant roles in our lives.
The world should be understood with our head and our heart if we are to get any closer to appreciating what we have and don't have. It’s really cool to be able to see how tigers, lions and pet kittens are from same species, but there’s really no harm in accepting that a beautiful sunset, or the nimbleness of the cat, just is.
I don’t want to argue and you are entitled to your opinion which i'm willing to hear. I’m just saying how nice it is to have science and faith fit together.
10:30 Posted in This is me | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
Monday, March 19, 2007
Just like a kid
It has been a while since I have taken the plane during daylight hours. Usually I travel in the early morning or evenings. So yesterday when I took the 620pm fligh